


Soda Stained Sofas

by honeypressed



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Getting Together, Growing Up, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Pre-Relationship, character study?? kinda, coming of age but not like real age like metaphorically uknow, lil nostalgic, pretty seungmin-centric, the summary of this fic is: anD THEY WERE ROOMMATES, well not real real angst but a lot of Repressed Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-19 03:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20324578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypressed/pseuds/honeypressed
Summary: The last thing Seungmin expects to do when their new roommate moves in is to fall in love with him. But he does, and now he's in love with two people and he doesn't know what to say because he's always left his growing up for tomorrow.Still, time passes and Seungmin finds that growing up is difficult, it's hard, and it requires resilience, but they'll always find their way back home to each other. That's all that really matters, in the end.





	Soda Stained Sofas

**Author's Note:**

> well fucking HELLO guys yes i know it's been like ten thousand years since i posted a new fic i apologise hgsdngg prep for uni application is rly hanging my time and energy like wet clothes on a rainy day but i hope this jeongminlix is enjoyable! honestly i wanted to capture the scene of growing up but also realising growing up can mean different things to different people, so this is more of a coming of age fic than a purely romantic fic ^.^

_My long journey, it ends now but_

_until the day that you come back to my side,_

_I'm not done _

_(and i will find my way back home to you again)_

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re abandoning us,” Seungmin says as he watches Jisung tape the last of his moving boxes shut. His room is already empty, bar from the basic furnishings, and it really doesn’t feel like Jisung is finally moving out from their shared apartment of three years to move in with his boyfriend. Sure, they’ve graduated university already and are working, but Jisung had been a piece of the familiarity and comfort that Seungmin could hold onto through his years of studying, exams, and now, work. 

“I thought you’d be glad to get rid of me,” Jisung says, joking a little, but he looks sad to part as well, smile not as bright and eyes a little red. 

Jeongin emerges from his own room and leans against the kitchen counter, watching Jisung heave his bag onto his back and pick the box up. “You’ll still come around to visit, right? You can’t just forget about us…” 

“Aww, is Jeonginnie _ sad_?” Jisung coos, lunging for a hug and almost hitting the fridge instead when Jeongin sidesteps him with easy, practiced movements. 

“Whatever,” Jeongin says, grumbling, but he hugs Jisung before he leaves anyway. 

The door shuts behind Jisung like it always does when Jisung’s going out to work or when he’s leaving to buy food. It really doesn’t feel like he’s leaving, but their apartment is stripped of all his things, with only the typical mess he leaves behind dominating their living room. The both of them stand there for a while, one in the kitchen and the other in the hallway, staring, then Seungmin snaps back to life. 

“We need to find a new roommate then,” Seungmin says. “We can’t afford the rent between the two of us.” 

Jeongin nods. “I’ll ask around among my friends. Our landlord is already putting advertisements up too.” 

Seungmin just smiles, a little lost. They hadn’t wanted Jisung to leave not only because he was familiar and comfortable to have around, but also because he was a good friend and hyung to the both of them. With him moving out, they would have to get used to a new roommate, and the dynamic between them could be less comfortable, more rigid, and it would take ages to get where they had been with Jisung. Still, Seungmin tells himself that he needs to grow up and face new things. He’s an adult now, working, and they would all move out eventually. 

He also tells himself that he’s glad it’s Jisung who moved out, not Jeongin, because he can’t stand the mess Jisung creates when he lives with them. He tells himself that because he doesn’t know how to grow up and face the feelings that he’s been harbouring for Jeongin, doesn’t know how to admit that for the past three years living with him, he’s come to adore Jeongin and appreciate him in more than a platonic way. 

For now, he tells himself that he can grow up tomorrow. 

Barely a week later, their landlord tells them that there are two people coming to see the apartment and the room. “But only one is actually planning to rent, the other is just following along as company. I’ll be here again on Tuesday to guide him in, will you be in?” 

“I will,” Seungmin volunteers, because his working hours are inconsistent and right now, he’s free to work from home most of the time. “When will you be coming in?” 

Their landlord says sometime after lunch, which leaves Seungmin time to do a little spring cleaning in the morning in the common areas, because they _ do _need a new roommate, and he feels the need to help where he can. It’s to his surprise that when he wakes up on Tuesday morning, ready to clean, Jeongin’s already up, dressed for work as usual, but the kitchen is clean and the rubbish has been taken out. Even the living room has been straightened out. The plants need to be watered, but Jeongin has never been good at remembering to water them.

Seungmin blinks, still in his sleep clothes but freshly washed up. “You cleaned? You didn’t need to, I was going to do it.” 

Jeongin shrugs, and there’s another mug of tea and a plate of toast sitting on the table beside him. “It’s my place too. I heard you working pretty late last night, thought I’d clean a little before I left. It’s not that dirty, anyway. Have breakfast, Min-hyung. I’ll see you when I come back!” 

Seungmin sits down to bite at his toast as Jeongin dashes around to gather his things, and by the time he’s finished his first piece, Jeongin is at the door, wearing his shoes and ready to leave. Seungmin stands up, shuffling towards the door like he always does even though neither of them really know why he does it. 

“Do we need anything in the fridge?” Jeongin asks once he wears his shoes, hand on the doorknob and ready to leave. 

“Bread. And fruits, if there are any. Have a nice day at work, Innie.” 

Jeongin smiles then, all teeth and crinkled eyes and for a second Seungmin sees the Jeongin in freshman year, braces and quiet smiles and giggles. 

“Alright, hyung. See you.” 

Jeongin leaves then, and the apartment descends into a thoughtful silence that Seungmin isn’t quite sure if he likes or not. He turns on some music with his phone and finishes his breakfast up quickly, washing the dishes and padding his way to his bedroom to change into more presentable looking clothes. 

There isn’t much to do once he’s finished changing, and Seungmin’s reduced to blankly staring at the several articles he’s supposed to proofread and help rewrite into whatever latest bullshit his superiors want him to, for “easier audience engagement”. He doesn’t think the average reader has the vocabulary of a five-year old but he’s being proven wrong every new day, so he supposes his superiors have a point. He ends up steaming angrily at one of the articles because it’s the third time he’s rewritten this and it’s apparently _ not simple enough for immediate audience connection _ and he doesn’t know how else to dumb it down without leaving out important details. Maybe that was the point of doing so. 

Seungmin must have spent longer at his work than he thought he was, because his phone rings with his landlord telling him they’re coming up in half an hour. He puts his laptop away and makes a final round around the apartment, hoping everything looks fine, and shuts his and Jeongin’s bedroom so there would be no confusion as to which room was being rented out. He doesn’t need to wait long. 

The doorbell rings, exactly half an hour later, and Seungmin rushes to open the door, fumbling with the lock on the door even more in his haste. Finally, he wrenches the door open to find his landlord, as expected, and two young men, both with bleached hair and speaking in accented English. He frowns a little and tries to place the accent. 

“Seungmin-ssi,” His landlord greets, “this is Felix, who wants to rent a place. His friend came along with him. I’ll show him around, don’t mind us too much.” He brushes past Seungmin, who steps back to allow the two into the apartment. 

“Hi,” One of them greets, “I’m Chan. The friend.”

“I’m Felix,” The other says, smiling a little and damn, Seungmin must have forgotten to close the blinds, why is it so bright suddenly, “I hope we won’t be too much of a disturbance.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Seungmin assures, shaking his head a little. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” 

True to his word, he settles into the sofa again and presses his earphones into place, focusing back on his work. Maybe because of their presence, Seungmin feels the need to do his work and he actually does, getting through most of the articles he needs to proofread. By the time his landlord has shown Felix the room and most of the apartment, he’s just done with it and about to start rewriting, which he’d been dreading for most of the day. 

“This is the living room,” His landlord announces a little needlessly. “It’s all common area here, so you need to clean up after yourself. Seungmin and Jeongin usually split chores between them and share groceries as well, so I expect you will too, unless you come up with some other arrangement.” 

Seungmin looks up, wide-eyed and taking his earphones out. “You’re renting the room? For real?” 

Felix smiles at him, equal parts shy and equal parts enthusiasm. “Yeah! I hope you don’t mind, I really like the place and it’s close to Chan-hyung’s place too.” 

Seungmin laughs. “Mind? We need a roommate for rent. Hey - let’s exchange numbers while you’re here. When are you moving in?”

It turns out that Felix still has some time before moving in. He has to sign the contract with the landlord and make other preparations before he can even move in. There’s something about opening bank accounts, getting a driver's license, and buying stuff and even more things that Seungmin can barely comprehend that flies from Chan’s mouth. He ends up nodding and telling them to call him if they needed help at all. 

It isn’t until late evening that they leave, and Seungmin wonders if their apartment will ever be quiet anymore now that Felix will be moving in. From what he can collect, Felix is as cheerful as he looks, and the deep timbre of his voice echoes through their apartment even when he’s just talking. It’ll be good for them, Seungmin thinks. 

Jeongin comes back with bread, apples, and a bar of chocolate that’s Seungmin’s favourite. 

Felix moves in with them a month later. It’s also his and Jeongin’s first meeting in the midst of all the taped boxes and movers handling some new furniture, but they get along fairly well and if they won’t be friends, they’ll at least be amicable roommates. Seungmin doesn’t really have anything to worry about though, not when he comes back from a late night to find Felix pseudo-nagging Jeongin while reheating some food in the microwave. 

“And you,” Felix says, turning on Seungmin, who’s standing in the middle of the dining room bemusedly in his work clothes, head full of words and articles and trashy comments. “You need to eat. Are you gonna keep coming home late now?”

“For a while,” Seungmin replies, then his mind latches onto the word Felix used. _ Home_. It’s been three months since Felix moved in with them, and he’s become a permanent part of their lives, no matter how short the time they had together been. It was almost inexplicable, how Felix fit perfectly into their lives. 

They hadn’t talked much at first, Jeongin busy with work, Felix busy with unpacking and Seungmin busy with stewing in his thoughts while cursing out his superiors. Then, Jeongin and Seungmin had come home from work one day to find a sticky note on the fridge in Felix’s handwriting that told them there was takeaway in the fridge and that they should eat it. And then again, Felix picking up and cleaning the house without the need for them to remind him, and the house was that much more spotless, that much more clean. 

And somehow, again and again and again, they found themselves bringing Felix more and more into their lives. Jeongin, sharing music with Felix when it’s a rainy weekend and they have nothing to do. Felix, asking what Seungmin thought of the latest book he read, curious and quick to share his thoughts. Seungmin, dragging spare blankets from the cupboards as Felix sets up Netflix and Jeongin tries to get the popcorn set. Seungmin and Jeongin, getting to know each other even more through Felix.

_ Home_, Felix had said, three months after he first moved in. 

_ I’m home_, Jeongin had called out, six months after Felix first moved in, tripping over his shoes in the doorway. Seungmin remembers this because he and Felix had just laughed at Jeongin from their perch on the sofa in the living room, and lived to suffer later when Jeongin launched a cushion attack on them. 

_ I’m going home_, Seungmin had told his coworkers one late night working, almost a year after Felix first moved in, _ Jeongin and Felix are waiting for me_. 

And now, he stands in front of their door, not opening it yet. It’s almost ten at night, but he can see soft yellow light filtering outside from the gaps of the door, meaning that Felix and Jeongin have stayed up to wait for him again. His hand is on the handle of the door when a thought occurs to him. 

Since when have they started waiting for him to come back? He’s very sure that Jeongin never waited for him to come back when Jisung was still living with them. It must have been Felix. Kind, sweet, _ beautiful _ Felix who turned an apartment into a home for them, and now waits for Seungmin to come home and had somehow managed to lure Jeongin into waiting for him as well.

If Seungmin’s heart leaps at the thought of Felix’s smile, just like how it thuds when Jeongin laughs, he tells himself that it’s because he’s had too much coffee.

Seungmin unlocks the door, keys jingling softly as he turns the lock, and the warm yellow glow blinds him momentarily before he sees them. Felix, and Jeongin, fast asleep under a blanket, hair mussed. Felix’s head is propped on Jeongin’s shoulder and it looks like Felix’s legs are thrown over Jeongin’s lap as well, but Seungmin isn’t too sure with the blanket over them. The sight is so sweet that Seungmin can’t help but smile, and he turns around to lock the door as quietly as he can, padding around to take his jacket off and set his bag down. 

Then, a pair of sleep-warm arms circle his waist from behind, and if Seungmin had been distracted, he would have definitely screamed. 

“Why did you jump,” Felix hums, voice deeper and scratchier with sleep. “Welcome home. There’s food in the kitchen.”

“I’m home,” Seungmin agrees, trying to resist planting a kiss onto Felix’s forehead. “Thank you. Why aren’t you guys asleep?” 

“Innie wanted to wait for you,” Felix says, yawning and looking so endearing that Seungmin coos a little. “He said he hasn’t seen you properly, you keep coming home so late… he wants to go out for lunch tomorrow, since it’s the weekend. You’ll come, won’t you?” And how can Seungmin say no, when Felix looks like this, soft and mussed under the yellow light that looks like sunshine on him, eyes bleary and mouth red. 

Seungmin is not that strong. “Of course I will.” 

Jeongin was right. Seungmin hadn’t realised how much he missed them, swamped with articles and meetings and late nights with the sudden influx of articles because of the latest political scandal rocking their country.

Lunch is good because they go to the little cafe near their apartment that won’t burn a hole in their pockets. But lunch is made better because both Jeongin and Felix are there, beside him and laughing in the mute afternoon sunshine, exchanging stories in turn, laughter ringing through the wind like a set of windchimes. 

Had he forgotten how widely Jeongin smiled, or how high Felix’s laughter went? It really had been too long, Seungmin muses, pushing his bangs out of his eyes as another gust of wind blew by. 

Perhaps stress had blunted the sharpness of his memories, but now they come back into crystal clarity, mot gone but just waiting for the dust to be wiped away. Seungmin resists the urge to trail a fingertip over the familiar lines of Jeongin’s smiles, his eyes and lips, like the embodiment of happiness itself. He tries not to blush at Felix’s usual touchiness, warm hands and warmer body, arms slung over his shoulder and head nuzzled into his cheek, like the comforting soak of sunshine during the sunset. 

Seungmin realises it by the time they finish lunch and are walking back to their apartment. Jeongin’s laughing at Felix’s impersonation of some random Youtuber, and Seungmin finds himself smiling along softly, but he also finds himself wanting to hold Jeongin’s hand, finds himself wanting to lean into the warmth Felix emanates. 

He finds that he’s got a crush on both Jeongin and Felix. 

“And you’re not gonna do anything?” Jisung asks skeptically two weeks later when Seungmin meets him for coffee. “You must have liked Jeongin for at least two years now. Felix… a few months, maybe?” 

Seungmin groans. “I didn’t come out for coffee to be grilled be you! Besides, I can’t like two people at the same time, that’s not possible. I just have weird feelings, they’ll blow off soon, I’m sure.” 

“It’s called Googling,” Jisung says severely. “Anyway, you can’t just blow off your feelings like that, you’re gonna fall even more, I _ know_. Why don’t you like, confess or something? Be an adult and grow up.” 

“I’d rather not,” Seungmin says, wondering how Jisung had managed to hit the nail on the head without even trying. 

He’s afraid of growing up. Even though he’s working now, long past his years of college and university, he can’t help but feel like time is going too fast, and he’s only just wearing a mask, playing pretend at being an adult when he’s clinging desperately to the days of his adolescence. Sure, there are things that he’s been forced to grow up to - paying bills, finding a job, banking and driving - but he’s _ afraid_. He doesn’t feel responsible enough, old enough, experienced enough to call himself an adult, and he wants to go back to the days when all he had to worry about were studying and exams. 

Not bills, jobs or growing crushes on two people that have turned his apartment into a home and routine into life. 

“You have to face your feelings one day, Min,” Jisung says, and in that moment, he seems wiser than Seungmin has ever known, even when they’re the same age. “Growing up isn’t an option, but staying young is.” He adds cryptically, then stands up with his coffee cup, needing to leave. 

Seungmin thinks about what Jisung says over the dregs of his coffee, and wonders if growing up requires bravery too. (because if it does, he doesn’t think he has the bravery to do so.) 

Back at home, everything is normal, if Seungmin discounts the whirlwind of feelings brewing in the sea of his emotions. Jeongin spills soda on the sofa, Seungmin scolds him and Felix laughs at them. Felix forgets to buy groceries, Jeongin whines and Seungmin is the only one to get the actual groceries before they all starve to death. Seungmin oversleeps and it’s Jeongin who wakes him up, Felix pressing a packed lunch into his hand before he leaves in a hurry. 

“_How’s your boyfriend_?” Seungmin overhears Chan ask Felix one evening over the phone. He doesn’t mean to, but Felix can’t see him from the living room since he’s in the kitchen. 

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Felix says, voice pitching high and stumbling over his pronunciation. 

“_Sorry, that’s right, you have two_,” Chan says, and Felix makes an incoherent sound like he’s embarrassed. 

Seungmin goes back to his room and refuses to think about what that means.

It’s been two years since Felix’s moved in with them. Seungmin’s twenty five now, feels a little less like he’s pretending at being an adult. He’s still abysmally _ shit _ at admitting out loud that he _ still _ likes Jeongin and Felix, but he’s not lying to himself anymore. 

It’s also been three weeks since he overheard that conversation Felix had with Chan, and he can’t help but be hypersensitive about all the touching that they do, even if it isn’t out of the norm of their usual level of clinginess. He can’t help but overthink about their words, if they were subtle compliments or them just being nice, and it’s driving him _ mad_. 

Jeongin never usually initiates any cuddling even though he reciprocates warmly every time, but it seems to Seungmin that he’s more affectionate than usual lately, back-hugging either of them or sitting closely when they’re lounging on the sofa, three bodies fitted snugly on the still cola stained sofa and sharing the warmth, comfortable and easy. 

Felix’s always been forthcoming with his compliments, but Seungmin can’t help but feel that he’s going out of his way to compliment him, from his work ethic to his cooking to his newly-dyed hair, cherry red and fitting for the autumn. He doesn’t quite know what to say either, just smiles and laughs a little every time Felix says something that borders on the line of a comment and a compliment.

Seungmin’s been driven mad by the both of them, and he doesn’t really mind. 

So yes, it’s been two years since Felix has moved in, everything is fine, Seungmin has accepted that he likes the both of them and they won’t ever know and it’ll stay that way, until - 

“My _ noona _ asked me if I want to move in with her,” Felix brings up abruptly one night. They’ve just finished the washing up for dinner and Seungmin wasn’t expecting to do anything, assuming it’d be another lazy night. “She - she has a place in her house and she asked me, because she said it’d be nice for family to live together.” He bites his lip, watching them. 

Jeongin speaks up first. “If you really wanna go, hyung, we can’t stop you. What do you want, though? We’re not gonna live there, it’s up to you.” 

“Yeah,” Seungmin says, finding his voice as well. “If you really want to go, you should. She’s your _ noona_, after all.” 

Felix just shrugs and collapses on the sofa; Seungmin’s eyes are drawn to the stupid soda stain on the sofa and he wonders if his crush on Felix will become a similar, ugly stain on his heart. “Nothing has been confirmed yet, I thought I’d just let you guys know.” 

Seungmin thinks he can almost hear Felix add _ and I wanna stay with you guys_, but Felix doesn’t open his mouth after that, even if his sentence feels like a comma and not a period. 

Felix says that nothing has been confirmed, but as the weeks come, he isn’t around that often on the weekends anymore, sometimes even on weekdays, instead spending the night with his sister. He’s still around often enough for them not to miss him - because that’s still his home after all - but Seungmin can’t help but feel like there’s a piece of warmth missing when he’s with Jeongin in the house.

He still watches movies with Jeongin and bicker in the kitchen, trying to cook something when they both have nought zero cooking abilities, but Felix isn’t there with his rich laughter and eye rolls, and their laughter falls a little flat in the air of their apartment. 

It’s most evident one Saturday evening when Felix is with his sister again, and Seungmin’s curled up on the sofa, head pillowed against Jeongin’s shoulder. He’s reading a book while Jeongin is on his phone, and it’s peaceful. Seungmin pretends he’s not missing the warmth of a pair of legs across his lap and another side snuggled against his, where Felix would have fit in perfectly. 

“Felix-hyung said he’s coming back soon,” Jeongin says suddenly, shattering the quiet. “He’s bringing food his _ noona _ made as well.” 

“Mm,” Seungmin replies distractedly, and Jeongin waits. The words only sink in five minutes and a page later, and Seungmin turns, wide-eyed, neck craning to look at Jeongin’s phone. “Is he really? Ah… tell him to tell _ noona _ that we said thank you! It’s been a long time since we had dinner together.” 

Dinner is like the calm before the storm. Felix is bubbly as usual, and the food is delicious, but Seungmin picks up on the way Jeongin pushes his food around his plate, talking a little less than usual and looking more invested with the conversation inside his head. They’ve just finished eating and Seungmin’s about to start clearing the plates away when Jeongin clears his throat. 

“Hey, um - I’ll be going back to Busan for the holidays. I’ll be gone for about two weeks, so I won’t be too long.” 

“Family?” Felix asks interestedly, leaning over their dirty plates, and Seungmin instinctively reaches out to press a hand against Felix’s chest so food won’t get onto his shirt. “Thank you, Min.” 

“No problem,” Seungmin says, letting Jeongin’s news sink in a little bit more. 

“Yeah, I’m going back to see my family, but I’m going to scout about for work as well. They want to open a branch there or something,” Jeongin says, finally putting his fork down. “Seungmin-hyung… you’ll be okay, right?” 

Seungmin looks at him, frowning a little. “What? Why?” 

“Felix-hyung is going to be out for a week with his sister the same week I’m leaving. You’ll be okay alone, right?” 

Oh. Seungmin had forgotten that Felix had told them he would be staying with his sister for a week over the coming holidays, promising to help her move in properly and walk around the city and see if he wanted to move in with her. Seungmin wasn’t all that thrilled to miss having Felix around for a week when he’s already so used to his presence, but now Jeongin’s leaving for two weeks, which means he'll be alone for a week. 

Him, alone in their apartment that’s always a little on the smaller side for three people, but too large for one person. Him, alone for a week with no one around when it’s the holidays, all silence ringing in his ears until he needs to get out. Him, alone in their apartment that’s not quite home if Jeongin and Felix aren’t around, with their shitty hallway light and the damned soda stained sofa. 

“I’ll be fine,” Seungmin finds himself saying, a smile stretching his lips to show them he's good. “I’m an adult, guys, what do you take me for? Go have fun on your holidays, I’ll be here, apartment-sitting… you better bring something back from me!” 

He doesn’t do that bad of a job, he thinks, watching Jeongin and Felix burst into laughter, now starting to talk about their holiday plans. Sure, he’s an adult and he _ can _ take care of himself, but not having Jeongin and Felix around when he’s so used to their presence… that’s something he doesn’t think he’ll do so well in.

The holidays seem to come even faster now that Seungmin is so acutely aware of when it is, but unlike Jeongin and Felix, his workload doesn’t lessen during the holidays. Rather, he starts to work even later, the need to cover breaking news and whatever latest hot gossip keeping him at the office until he’s working so late that Jeongin and Felix can no longer afford to stay up waiting for him if they want to be on time for work the next morning. 

Seungmin doesn’t begrudge them because of it. It’s more than enough that they leave him some food to be reheated when all they are are nothing more than friends and roommates. He convinces himself that it’s enough to be eating some reheated _ tteokbokki _ alone at their dining table at eleven at night. He convinces himself that he doesn’t miss the days when they would sit and eat together, when they were younger and feelings were less confusing. He convinces himself that he’ll be okay if there comes a day when they are no longer around and he will have more time with himself and silence as company. 

(he convinces himself that he can grow up and face his feelings tomorrow, but even tomorrows run out eventually.) 

Then, all of a sudden, the holidays are here. 

Jeongin takes a suitcase and a backpack and leaves for the airport, bidding goodbye with a hug. Felix takes two overnight bags and promises to pop in when he can, if his sister will let him. Seungmin takes a deep breath and sends them away, each with a half of his heart. 

Without them, the apartment is quiet. It’s quiet in a way that Seungmin doesn’t like, because it smells like unmoving and dead, not tranquility and peace. He comes to be grateful that he works late now, because it doesn’t feel like home anymore, even if it’s been three days since they both left. 

The days are long at the office, but the nights are even longer to Seungmin. There is no light under the doors from the other bedrooms, no food left in the fridge for him, no music suddenly playing out loud when an earphone wire is tugged out in haste. Most of all, there is no Jeongin and Felix, and maybe this was life’s way of telling him he needs to grow up now. 

Seungmin spends most of his night staring up at the ceiling, reading old messages from Jeongin and Felix. His heart thumps steadily under his palm when he presses a hand to his chest, but his love lies somewhere else, each half to one who doesn’t even know they held it, and he doesn’t know how to retrieve his heart back without shattering it into pieces. 

The last night before Felix is due to return, Seungmin grips the edge of his bathroom sink and looks into the mirror, not seeing himself. He wonders how he’s supposed to tell Jeongin and Felix that his superiors had recommended him to be transferred to the US branch they had, halfway across the world and in a new city he had never stepped foot in. He wonders if him leaving will be the catalyst for them to all leave the apartment that’s been there since they’ve started adult life. 

Him, to New York. Jeongin, to Busan. And Felix, here in Seoul with his sister. Their apartment, lent to someone else and to another three people that are not them. 

If Seungmin falls asleep with swollen eyes and a scratchy throat that night, no one but him hears his cries. 

Everything seems to change after that. When Jeongin comes back as well, Seungmin drops his news and disappears into his room. He doesn’t want to see their reactions or their expressions, because he doesn’t want to make their farewell any harder than it already is. He doesn’t need the reality of their sadness to etch into his mind when his brain can very well construct scenes of their faces already. 

It doesn’t stop from Felix barging into his room, though, and they all end up cuddling and talking over each other. The briefest respite from what’s about to come, Seungmin reflects two weeks later. 

Felix is ready to move out soon, with the coming of their apartment contract renewal. Jeongin doesn’t know if he’ll be transferred to Busan, so he’s staying on; Seungmin himself hasn’t been told when he’ll be going to the US so he’s staying put until he’s been told. 

Slowly, Felix’s bedroom starts emptying like how it did when Jisung was moving out three years ago. Boxes and packing tape start piling up in the hallways, and Felix spends more and more time with his sister, seemingly finalising moving plans. Even Chan, his friend, turns up to help him. 

“You haven’t told them?” Seungmin overhears once again, this time in the living room where Chan and Felix are in the kitchen. He wonders if this is life’s way of getting back at his insolence. 

“What?” 

“Your… you know.” 

“That - they don’t. Not in the way I do. It’s - it’s better I just move out.” 

_ What_, Seungmin wants to scream, cry, grab Felix by the throat and ask him, _ not in what way_? 

He never asks, and Felix never asks him if he hears the conversation he had in the kitchen. 

It seems then that their life together really is coming to an end. Jeongin’s pretty sure he’s being transferred to Busan, and Felix is leaving to stay with his sister instead. And Seungmin - he’s taking the easy way out. The easy way out, because moving almost seven thousand miles, halfway across the world away from everything he ever knows if his way of growing up. 

Yes, he’s come to appreciate Jeongin and Felix, has even _ fallen in love _ with them, but they will have to be his first loves never returned. He’ll grow up, find someone else and make a life in New York. He doesn’t have the courage to grow up _ right now _ when all he’s been doing is pretending he has the courage. 

But sometimes, it takes everyone’s courage. 

It’s a month before Felix is due to move out. Most of his stuff is already at his sister’s place, and all that’s left is a barren bedroom and some boxes that have yet to be taken. Strangely enough, Felix seems to be spending more time than ever with them, insisting on coming back between days to see them and staying up late for Jeongin and Seungmin to come home. 

Then the day comes when Seungmin is finally offered a place in the New York branch. He tells his superiors he wants to think about this, but he knows his decision is mostly made. He wants to tell Jeongin and Felix, but words fail him again when he goes back home and find them waiting for him. Everything that he’s wanted to say is stoppered like a clogged sink in his throat, and the thought that he will never get to come back to them again, come back to _ home _again, makes him almost want to break down and plead with them to stay with him, but he can’t do that. 

He’s growing up. 

(he just doesn’t know that growing up also means bravery to stay.) 

It’s three days later that Jeongin says over one of their rare dinners together that his company is opening a new branch in Busan. “I’m thinking about going,” He says, looking at his food, and Seungmin finds himself opening his mouth without thinking about it. 

“I think I’ll go overseas,” Seungmin says, quiet as well, and puts his chopsticks down, appetite disappearing. 

It’s Felix - kind, sweet, _ beautiful _Felix - who breaks the silence, as ever. “I’ll miss both of you,” He says, just the tiniest hint of tremble in his voice, and Seungmin wills himself not to start crying. “You know, I’ve always wanted to tell you something,” He continues, and Seungmin’s heart starts thumping so hard his hands are cold with sweat. 

“You guys have been the best friends I’ve ever come to have. Really. And - and I know I’m the first one to move out, but I really will miss you so much because - because I - I like you, the both of you. I - I know that’s weird but I really do, and I hope we can remain friends, at least.” Felix’s eyes are shining with tears, hands curled into fists, and Seungmin reaches out before he can think about it.

“You - like both of us?” Jeongin whispers, looking shell-shocked, and then there’s a heartbeat in which Seungmin’s life splits into _ before _ and _ after _ and Felix nods yes, soft and shaking, and he’s crying. 

“Lix,” Seungmin says, but it feels like he isn’t quite himself, “I - I like you. And you too, Innie. I like both of you.” 

“Three of us,” Jeongin breathes, “and we didn’t tell each other for the three years we lived together.” And then they’re sitting on the damned soda stained sofa again, worn from use and the years but inextricably _ theirs_, and Seungmin cries into one of their shirts, he isn’t sure whose, but when the sun dawns, it’s warmer than he could ever remember. 

Things are not just easy after their feelings are out in the open. Felix has to explain to his sister why he’s not moving in with her and moving back in; Felix has to decline a transfer, but he’s made to fly back and forth between Busan and Seoul multiple times a month, always short on time; Seungmin asks to be moved to another branch within the country instead and fields the questions his boss gives him. 

Things aren’t easy, but they have each other, in the way that they have always wanted to. 

Now, Seungmin can wake up to Jeongin’s arms around him; now, he can kiss Felix on the forehead like he always wanted to; now, he can tell them he loves them and watch them smile and return his words. Now, his heart grows lighter. 

He still has growing up to do, there’s no doubt about that. He needs to know how to communicate, how to not repress his feelings and leave them to rot and mold. He has many things he needs to improve on and make better, but so do Jeongin and Felix, and it is all the consolation he needs to know that they have each other’s back, will catch if one falls and build the steps back up to be steady on their own feet. 

Their apartment still doesn’t quite feel like theirs as it once did.

Felix’s things are still piled in boxes in their hallways, his room is still half-furnished like he doesn’t belong and the boxes in the hallways are a constant reminder of what they had almost lost; Seungmin still comes home late and his hours are still weird and unstable, now in a higher position with more demands even if he doesn’t move overseas; Jeongin still has to fly back and forth from Busan, commitments to his work cutting sharply into the little time he has with the rest of them. 

But they make it work. They all sleep together now, so Felix’s room being unfurnished doesn’t really matter, and they’re making a dent in unpacking the boxes; Seungmin can’t help his hours, but he comes home to food in the microwave and one of them dozing at the dining table, lights still on and greeting him with a sleepy smile and a warm kiss; Jeongin still flies back and forth, but he doesn’t have to hide his affection in calls now, and they will always wait for him at the airport from now on, ludicrous signs if they have the time.

Because even if the apartment doesn’t quite feel like theirs yet, home is the three of them.

They are home, home is the three of them, warm on the old soda stained sofa and under their shitty ceiling fan. Because home is Felix’s laughter and Seungmin’s quips and Jeongin’s groans and home is them being together, no matter if they’re in a small apartment or house or nowhere. 

They will always find their way back home, all warm cuddles and sweet kisses on the old soda stained sofa. 

**Author's Note:**

> the only other update i can promise is the next chap for paint me hdngs im so sorry T.T but you guys have a wonderful day <3


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